Whilst meditating this morning, I heard an inspirational quote from Andy, the creator of Headspace, who narrates the daily meditation. During this philosophical prelude, he explained the power of embracing the now, such that your mind is free of contemplation of the past, or the future. For example, one could be sat on a packed bus, rain lashing furiously against the windows, wishing they were sunbathing on a warm, tropical beach akin to a holiday 2 years prior. However, the optimal thing to do in this situation, Andy explained, is to settle the mind precisely in that exact present moment, packed bus, rain and all. By transporting the mind to another place and using escapism as a route to contentment, the mind suffers doubly, as the relativity that’s brought about by the imagined reality augments the sense of strife felt in the present moment. That is, the reality of sitting on the bus on a rainy day is made so much worse when compared with the warm, exotic climate of a beach.
This was quite a profound phenomenon to hear first thing in the morning and traversed several layers of philosophical contemplation. I’d never really considered this outside of the principle that you’re in control of how your external environment influences you at any one time. Upon reflection, I can certainly recognise several instances where I battle with the here and now. Does anybody else contemplate being somewhere else, anywhere other than on shift? Do we all transport ourselves to a happier place, away from the pressure?
Interestingly, there have been some occasions where I feel paradoxically content because of the stress of the job. The dopamine hit which is felt following a shift full of problem solving, acute management and leadership can be incredible. Yet, more often than not, I have a habit of feeling as though I would rather be anywhere other than in the hospital. The noise, the chaos, the bleeps that could only be more stress inducing if they emitted an actual siren; it all adds up to an unbearable matrix which sends my limbic system haywire. Mental escapism is, quite frankly, inevitable.
Returning to the original point, however, my first discovery of embracing the here and now was whilst I was on a set of night shifts on General Surgery. I was temporarily lodging at Blackpool hospital accommodation at the time, so was constantly within a 200m radius of the hospital for 4 days straight. This was tough, as I had nothing to break up the time spent on the hospital compound, so 4 days almost felt like one long shift, with a few hours kip in between. I’m an infrequent user of Instagram, purely because I personally have found it a time warp and an unhealthy distraction, but I downloaded it onto my phone in an attempt to glean some pleasant escapism from the dreariness of the night shifts, a sort of creative outlet or window into the world outside of the hospital compound, if you will. I indulged in adventurous holiday ideas, fast cars and watches that I couldn’t afford, and expensive houses inhabited only by royalty or international aristocrats. I remember thinking this is good, look at all of this amazing, inspirational stuff.
As it transpired, it was this set of nights that were my worst nightshifts to date. Not in the least because they were excruciatingly busy, but because I’d saturated my mind with things that I could be doing other than the night shifts. Worst of all, however, I was looking at things which were above and beyond the possible for me, things that would make my present situation feel inadequate at the best of times.
So, upon this realisation, I took the firm decision to delete the Instagram app off my phone and just accept my hospital environment instead of running away from it. Make peace with the situation. And oddly enough, it actually worked.
I wouldn’t say I’m perfect at this by any means; this week was a prime example. I completed a long week of on call shifts last week, during which I pretty much wished I was away, anywhere from the hospital. In all honesty, I think it is one of the most challenging mental manoeuvres to master, and will essentially just require consistent practise. However, it’s certainly something that I’ll be focusing on from now on as it’s a real power – to remain unafflicted by the stresses and turmoil of work is quite an attractive prospect.
Watch this space…
Vasudev Zaver 